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Tiny Buddha published an essay by psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman about the trade-offs involved in trying to manage competing priorities. Drawing on personal examples, Hauptman describes getting better at viewing unfinished tasks as the result of a choice rather than automatically as evidence of failure.
Tiny Buddha published an essay by psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman about the difficulty of meeting competing demands at once. Drawing on personal examples involving work, family, chores, weight, reading and rest, Hauptman describes a change in how he views unfinished tasks: as a possible result of choosing one priority over another, rather than automatically as evidence of failure.
Hauptman opens with the image of a Rubik’s Cube: he says that trying to make one side all one color makes the other sides more multicolored. He uses the metaphor to describe his ongoing struggle to keep up with clients and household chores, spend time with family and work on a book, and choose between going to dinner with friends and watching his weight. “The one thing I can’t do is everything,” he writes.
The essay describes what Hauptman calls three paradoxes of control. He says that needing control can make a person feel less in control, that trying to control other people means they control us back, and that gaining control in one area can mean relinquishing it in another. These are Hauptman’s ideas and framing.
His examples include a person using alcohol to manage feelings and then struggling to control drinking, and a successful executive who became estranged from his wife, children and extended family. Hauptman describes a shift in how he views an unfinished “side” of life: as a possible sign that a choice was made, not necessarily proof of personal failure. A day spent writing may mean chores wait; a day spent on chores may leave the book untouched.
Seeing the Cost of Each Choice
Hauptman writes about his own difficulty managing competing priorities, including work, family, chores, writing and rest. He describes learning to view an unfinished task as something that may follow from choosing to focus elsewhere, rather than automatically as a personal shortcoming. His point is not that choices have no consequences, but that every “yes” can involve a “no” elsewhere.
Hauptman says that trying to force life to meet expectations can lead to life pushing back. His examples include efforts to control drinking and an executive who became estranged from family members. The essay presents these as personal reflections and examples, not as a general account of effects or a clinical method.
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A Therapist’s Personal Metaphor
Hauptman identifies himself as an LCSW and the author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, published in 2015, with a revised edition described in the source as forthcoming. The source describes the book as addressing control and emotional safety, and says Hauptman’s writing explores related themes.
He also recounts a hospital visit after a routine physical produced a cardiogram finding that his doctor said could suggest a transient ischemic attack. His doctor directed him to the emergency room, where Hauptman says he waited while tests were conducted. He says he canceled six client sessions, calmed his worried wife and wondered what the hospital visit would cost, but eventually took a nap. The account illustrates his personal response to a situation he could not immediately manage; it does not provide details of a diagnosis or medical outcome.
“The one thing I can’t do is everything.”
— Steve Hauptman, in the Tiny Buddha essay
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What the Essay Does Not Establish
The article is a personal essay, not a report of a study. It does not provide evidence that accepting trade-offs produces particular mental-health or relationship outcomes, nor does it set out a clinical method for addressing difficulties with control.
Hauptman says the hospital cardiogram showed a blip that suggested a possible TIA, but the essay does not state what later tests found or whether he received a diagnosis. The account describes his personal experience.
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No Further Milestone Reported
The source presents the essay as a reflection, with no announced follow-up event or new research milestone. Hauptman says a revised edition of his 2015 book was forthcoming, but the material does not give a release date or confirm whether it has since been published.
For readers, the essay’s immediate takeaway is the question it leaves them with: which priorities are competing, and what is being set aside when one receives attention? Hauptman’s answer is personal rather than prescriptive: he is learning to accept that a choice can leave another task unfinished without making the whole effort a failure.
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Key Questions
Who wrote “When You Can’t Get Everything Right at Once”?
The essay was written by Steve Hauptman, LCSW, a psychotherapist and author. It was published on Tiny Buddha.
What is the essay’s main argument?
Hauptman argues that people cannot meet every competing priority at once. He suggests seeing unfinished tasks as possible trade-offs made by choice, rather than automatically as proof of failure.
Does the article report new research?
No. It is a personal reflection and does not report a study, data or clinical trial.
What happened during Hauptman’s hospital visit?
Hauptman says a cardiogram during a routine physical showed a finding that his doctor said could suggest a TIA, so he went to the emergency room for tests. The essay does not report the test results or a final diagnosis.
Source: rss
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